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How Do You Handle Liars?
I got the idea for this post while considering how to handle a {now ex-} member of the community. There is no need to mention who it was, or to discuss what happened to them. If you're curious about that, send me a private message and ask me there. But anyway, the idea was that I became suspicious of them after they began making some extravagant claims about themselves on here, and after doing a little investigation I discovered that they were lying. Then it became a question of how I was going to handle them.
Now I know that people lying and exaggerating is not uncommon on the internet, and that lots of people do it. Perhaps one of the more cliched examples would be of people who lie about themselves on dating & chat sites, represented well in the following picture. lol
But this subject also has other tie-ins, as well, like with some of our recent discussions on here about the group known as Anonymous, and people wanting to be anonymous online for various reasons; the U.S. Military's creation & use of fake personas on social networking sites in order to influence public opinion; trolls that have been banned from this site creating fake accounts in order to sneak back onto the site to cause trouble again; etc.
Many years ago I came to a personal realization about the importance and value of honesty, which led me into becoming a person that my friends and family now refer to as being "brutally honest". They will even sometimes advise people not to ask me questions about something unless they can handle an honest answer, because I don't pull any punches. I developed this little tiered, philosophical hierarchy in my mind that goes something like this: "A person cannot love somebody if they don't respect them, so respect comes before love; and a person cannot respect someone that they don't trust; so honesty comes before respect." I still live by that to this day.
But in any case, I guess what I want to ask you all is how YOU think liars should be treated online once they are discovered? I know that Facebook has a policy against fake accounts, for example, and that they will close or delete any that they discover. They even have an option on people's profile pages that enables you to report somebody for this as a violation of their Terms of Service. I-Power is also a social network; but we have historically been pretty loose with the creation of accounts here. In the past we allowed people to sign up for membership using any name they wanted, and w/o providing any details about themselves at all. That was changed in May of this year in order to prevent suspended members from being able to return so easily by simply creating new accounts; but some people complained about that change in policy and think that we are being too nosy and restrictive now.
How do you treat liars that you know in real life? Do you treat people you know are liars online in the same way? or are you more tolerant of liars online? And how do you think the I-Power community should handle liars when they are discovered?
Tags: Dishonesty, Honest, Honesty, Liars, Lying, Policy, Trust, Truth
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Focking Original on -
In my old gaming clan, we had several liars. Most of them were G.I.R.L.s (Guys In Real Life), another guy sold 2 game-accounts and left after 2 years of being a trustworthy member. Our policy was to kick them, but when they apologized people often forgive and forget. I don't forgive easily and I never forget, because I don't want to fall in the same traps again.
I've learned that you can't really trust anyone on the Internet. 'Share what you know is safe to share' is my policy.
As for me I share real personal experiences I had/have. I'm not ashamed to help others (&myself). ;)
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Permalink Reply by The Berns on -
Depends on the lie. Everyone lies. Hundrets of times a day. Question is, to whom do you lie, and what do you lie about.
In the case of "heavy lies", those who can break trust or really dissapoint, I am a total "non-forgiver".
As shiznit already mentioned, trust comes before respect, and so, if I can not trust someone, the future relationship to this person can only bring problems, so I have to avoid it. Period.On the internet those lies often do not really bother me, but only, because I already assume that I can trust absolutely no body I haven't seen personally. There is only 1 exception, and that's because I know that person for 6 years now^^
In the past I discovered myself telling lies on chats etc. I wasn't proud of it, and the outcome was always way worse than the truth would have been. Lies may prevent some trouble at first, but always cause more trouble it the end. The truth often causes trouble at first, but everything is better it the end. Except if you robbed a bank and talked to the police. In that case that advice sucks pretty bad.
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Permalink Reply by Zacharie on -
Treated with regards of respect of the other 99% of the members. People want an moderated forum for higher relevance for them. The argument of free speech doesnt apply in my opinion to communities with its own culture like ipower. Here people come to be productive, things that disrupt this is of no value for the community. I think in fact that liers should be treated worse on the internet then in actual life.
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Permalink Reply by Nicko on -
funny, I kinda live by the same set of principles as u do shiz. Although a simplified version of it. If u lie about who you are the slighest, people wont like you, but the illusion of you. So to find friends, girlfriends etc that you actually fit together with you gotta be completely honest about who you are.
And that is easier said then done obviously because people lie about themselves for a reason.
But living by that principle has some other positive side-effects, like all the stuff that you find it hard telling the truth about is stuff you might wanna do something about, meaning being honest all the time gives u tremendous insight into yourself and makes it so much easier to set goals for yourself in what you want to change about yourself.
Anyway, as I mentioned to you earlier it doesn't take me very long to figure out whenever a person is being dishonest, sometimes only a few sentences is all I need to make the conclusion.
I like to keep things simple, so what I do when I know that people are lying to me irl is to tell them I know about it when the two of us are alone so that he won't have to go all on the defensive side and shit gets complicated again.
Internet liars.. well that I don't really give a crap about, sometimes I bother to tell them I know they're lying, sometimes I don't :p
But if I had been in your shoes I guess I'd take the same counter-meassures as you've done.
If I however didn't have to follow any rules, like having conclusive evidence of said person being dishonest, I'd just go with my intuition about it since its usually very accurate, even if it fails its accurate enough to tell me whenever its failed.. winwin;)
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Permalink Reply by Nicko on
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On a sidenote, I'm pretty forgiving when people lie to me. Ofc it depends on the lie, but being the laidback guy I am I don't turn into a douche over it and its quickly forgotten.
But as I said, I tell said person I know he/she is lying to me and I try n get that person to tell me why.. obviously its because of fear but what kind, to what degree and why. Usually the conversation ends with that said person feels no need to lie to me anymore.
But then again, I'm laidback so people usually don't lie to me irl ;)
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Permalink Reply by Mister Fish on -
"Anyone who betrays me, I never forget."
I think this line was said in Seinfeld, by jerry's uncle.
I agree with it, I consider myself a trustworthy person, and I often trust others too much for this reason (fooling myself others are like me). When I discover someone was lying I lose all respect for them, and avoid contacting them as much as I can. If there is contact, I try to be brutal with them, but doesn't always work, and I'm pushed towards hypocrisy, I rationally prefer the first option.
For liars online, I think the same applies, just easier to avoid and be brutal.
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Permalink Reply by Focking Original on
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I agree with it, I consider myself a trustworthy person, and I often trust others too much for this reason (fooling myself others are like me). When I discover someone was lying I lose all respect for them, and avoid contacting them as much as I can.
The same goes for me. Except
If there is contact, I am able to have fun with them, but awkward moments often appear.
There seemingly is nothing to talk about, however it's because I'm thinking about our negative experience. Normally I would have talked about something fun. I don't open myself up for giving them a second chance and for letting them make up.
Maybe this isn't the best way to deal with things. Maybe never forgetting for me is better applied after "we" meet. So I don't have to remind myself beforehand (or at random) and while I'm talking, because it feels unpleasant and It often causes me nightmares, especially with people who I don't see very often.
My question to the iPower rangers:
How do you feel about 2nd chances? To what point should people never forget (for our mental health & stress-level)?
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Permalink Reply by Marko Bilić on -
I like trolling them :)
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Permalink Reply by Veevee on -
Hi, i'm a liar but I'll promise not to lie in this post ^^ Tricky huh?
Well: i can be a liar myself, irl and maybe a little less so on the internet; I don't MOSTLY lie and i surely don't lie all the time and actually here on Ipower *if not for joke's sake* i don't lie.
On the rest of the internet, when talking with people i only know online, i find it very easy to be honest and open, but if i lie and someone finds out, they're welcome to call me out on it, and more so then irl i will admit to it because, hey, it's just online.
I also have a fake facebook account next to my real one, which i mainly use for the most silly and embarrasing facebookgames that i didn't want to be known to/interfere with/annoy people i know irl for example. Plus i have fake mail accounts for nasty online marketeers, that sometimes i do need a service of, but don't want to end up in their eternal web of database.
A person may have many roles in life and might not want to share all information about any role with all people they know or encounter in any situation. Also, if hiding (part) of the truth is lying, well then, lynch me.
But the prime intentions of my lies are never to hurt, ridicule or annoy other people, merely to save my self from embarrasement or too much breach of privacy. To end with: i find, in online communities, truth is the easiest way; lies just overcomplicate things, especially if you have a bad memory haha
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Permalink Reply by kungfuanthrax - Alex on -
Their are liars everywhere and good honest people. Liars benefit from the lie and honest people suffer from their dishonesty.
In a magical honest world their would be no liars but that's only a pipe dream for people that hope that one day believe that maybe one day all the liars will be gone and honest people will live in peace and harmony with the animals and hugging trees.
I'm not going to tell the I Power community how to organise liars they can sort that out for themselves. I have enough problems to deal with myself than to deal with liars on the interwebs.
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Permalink Reply by Beanow on -
My personal stance is that I give the information where it's beneficial. Read: I might hide things from you when I believe that's for the better but won't lie about it. And since I'm pretty self confident it's very rare I try to hide something.
For others that lie to me... I really don't care. Because the more relevant that person would be to me, the easier I see through them. I smell liars from a miles distance and so I can do what I want with them depending on the situation. Make them trip over their own web of lies, punch through it by confronting them or leave them altogether, whatever is best.
So because I know I'll be able to handle them easily I don't really have a policy for them.
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Permalink Reply by David Ferrari on -
Just got back on I power, and just remember how I loved your posts, Shiznit... lol
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