Hi Ipower , Im Mike .
I can see that Athene and "the crew" are no longer actively supporting this project and there are just few who are kind of ... visiting this place once in a while , but I think Ill have to post it anyway.

Does anyone of you has ever felt that he have failed at his own life ?
like , completely failed all of it ?
for the past half a year it is the only feeling I feel , and I just cant find a practical solution .

Well it was (and I believe still is) a long process that had started this year right after the best moments in my life .(im 18 now)

My social , logical and physical abilities were on their top ,
I could start a conversation with a complete starnger and end it with a faithful friend , or some money that I need to a buss or whatever , and make it look legit .(so it wont decrease from my social status in their eyes)
then I've did a psychometric test , and without too much learning (half a week , when normal local folks are learning for it half a year) Ive got one of the top 15% scores accross the country.
I was running at least 15 kilometers twise a week .
Ive had a hot gf , and my friends were usually looking at me as at Ghandi himself ..

BUT .
Something had happened .
It seems Ive expected too much of myself , it all just fell apart in a matter of months .
Now Im going to fail even at the upcomming "matriculation exams" ( which are really easy if you have studied enogh . Its a kind of the final exams in the high school ).
I guess it is because I've took another psychometric test this week (because I want to learn at the Technion university wich has high standards ) , and this time it went just too horible .
Ive dumped the gf , my social status at the school is kind of respected but too wierd .

Because I've acted wierd in the public - because I didnt gave a shit ,
If you have ever seen 'death note' there is a character there called 'L' , at the time I was watching the series , and eventually Ive found myself copying his body language , talking style and thinking which was very wierd for my evironment .

ok . its not the point .
I have a question for everyone who will have enough patience to read all this -
I believe that the things which may led me to this situation were mostly unpleasant coincidences , 
and that strange depression which could be caused by - me not standing at my own standards .
the thing is - when the depression got deeper , Ive started to overload myself with projects which I could never finish , eventually bringing more stress and strengthening my depression .

now I cant even do the basic things that Ive done half year ago  
(ahh yea , Ive strained my leg while running accross a mountain and since than I cant run )

And at this point I am asking for your help .
the question - I think Ive gone too far with the Idea that mental stress is just a virtual stress which exists only in my head (During my parkour trainings Ive adapted the ideology that if its physically possible - Im going to do it , while giving no weight to fear or any mental virtual limitations ... like "its all in your head" ) .
So I guess Ive pushed my abilities too far and ... you know ...

Does anyone have an idea how could I overcome this problem ?
(I cant concentrate on learning/working , Im hardly addicted to distractions , no motivation or inspiration , Ill soon have the final tests and I cant afford to fail on 'em ...and the thing with social status ... but its ok because I am pretty antisocial ... and now Im affraid that this fact may affect my self destructive behaviour ... because I didnt talked (more than a Hi-Bye chatter) with people for the last couple of months..)

and thats all ... I guess... sorry for the 'too much words Ive wrote' ... and if there are any grammer mistakes blame my parents for it.

-Mike 
P.s. If you didnt understood what Ive wrote , please dont waste your time commenting something useless and just say that you didnt understood o.o ...