Hey guys,

 

i was wondering about how important social feedback is for a person.

Ideally it wont even matter because you are happy withyourself and everybody who doesn't agree can fuck off.

 

But truth is social feedback, positive social feedback is needed to be happy isn't it?

For me it would be having a girlfriend, somebody to feel close to. I cannot be happy without even if i tried.

Whats your take on it?

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My take on social comfort.. Know who you are, know how to appreciate/enjoy life
You do that in the correct way and social feedback wont really matter to you cause it doesn't really change anything, at least not from my perspective. 

ps: You really wanna try and become balanced.. or whatever you wanna call it "Self confident" etc before heading off into a relationship ( not that important if ur in junior high:p but I dunno your age so heads up anyway ) Because I know that people tend to start .. not sure how to explain this properly but people tend to trade up their girlfriends, since they validate their personal success score by their girlfriends looks etc, often not even being consciously aware of this.

So we're back at where I started off, you shouldn't be dependent on anyone else but yourself when it comes to how you view yourself.
A person should become independent enough to where they do not NEED social validation. That puts your well being into the hands of others. Relationships should be about two independent people providing support and advice to. The book "7 Habits of Highly Effective People" covers this subject really well. You should check it out bro.

Okok,

 

of course i think you are right, you should be independent from social validation

and obviously the way to do it is to be sure WHO you are,

and to like just be yourself.

 

But my hypothesis is this, and ofc it applies to myself, i find myself "building"

my charakter in the way to get the most social validation.

For instance i want to make a lot of money, to buy a nice appartment, to get social validation from it,

and this could, subconciously hold true for ANY decision we make right?

So how do we actually know who we really are? I think subconiously there is always some part of us seeking social validation.

If you try, I mean really try, then you can link basically all the things you do in life to certain things. Minimize pain, Maximize pleasure, Social validation. Whatever you think it is, it can be with enough reflection. I think the first step to get out of "everything I do is for Social validation" is to read theories and philosophies which say "everything you do is for ...", open your mind to strongly constructed and opposing perspectives. Once you can form a larger picture of what other people believe to be true beyond all others, then you can de-construct your idea and rebuild it with new "knowledge".

Moving on to "how do we know who we really are?" You are you. Profound I know :P I'm sure you have experienced this, you see someone you really like (friends) and you're nice to them or however  you are around that person, then somebody you don't know, or don't like comes up and you act different towards them. You could be a nice person to one, and a horrible person to the other. Both are you.

So how do you know who you are? Simple. You can just notice what you're like, notice the way you act and speak to people, read psychology books and figure out the subtleties you convey, learn who you are by sensory experience of your life and the social happenings. If you seem to seek validation from all people, what type of validation? Some sadist person might wish for his "social validation" to be that he is an aggressive man, you're might be that people see you as confident, nice. Figure out what validation you're seeking first.

 

Or, go outside and go about your day and actually live and this question becomes irrelevant, strive to be a better person for yourself, if you want social validation its because you want it. So live for yourself - which ought to actually be for others, to make their lives better through you. 

 

"strive to be a better person for yourself",

the question that arises is, if i get into some brance of university, do i do it because i really want it or because some people may think "oh look at that awesome dude who is smart, funny and on top of that toally fit and sexy" or do i do it for me?

 

Being "yourself" becomes kind of an empty term if you dont trust your own judgement.

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