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Comment by Reneta Prescott on June 28, 2011 at 9:06pm

I know your blog is a little old, but I came across it and it inspired a blog of my own on WordPress.  It's something I have spent a lot of time trying to understand, and sexism is one of the demons I have had to fight.  Essentially, what I have learned is that sexism results in gender stereotyped constructs which are socially enforced.  This then in turn admonishes all forms of gender variance, in the sense that you don't hold to male or female stereotypes.  You don't wear make up, you don't have long hair.  You do agree with the beauty concept that society subscribes to, therefore you don't belong.  Sexism hurts everyone, even those whom obey it.  Sexism leads to narcissism, because sexism is an extreme vanity of social gender expression, essentially an extreme exaggeration of male and female behavior.  It undermines your self-esteem and invests it in social vanity, which inalienably leads to narcissism because you have to secure a narcissist supply from flaunting your feminine wiles, or your masculine bravado.  Hyper-masculinity and Hyper-femininity is what it is, and it isn't sustainable nor should you even want to.  Its a vicious cycle like drug abuse where everyone is competing for top dog in the masculine and feminine areas, and the behavior is vain, selfish, and shallow.  This is probably why "stereotypical women" come off as being dumb, vain and stuck up.  In order to "live the life" you have to be, but in the end it is futile.  Just be yourself, because your gender is yours and no one else's.  You could be 100% Masculine and this would not erase your identity as a woman.  Sexism works on a principle of mutual exclusivity, where male = masculine and female = feminine, but the real world doesn't work this way.

Comment by Gary Cox on December 15, 2010 at 7:50pm

Hey Casey, 

I just read your blog....but I haven't read there ones below.... I was just wanting to say that from what I've read, you're a very intelligent and interesting young woman. And if that's you in your avatar picture, you're also a very beautiful.

You're right about what you said about gender and the differences. And also how people perceive how other people should act and look. The problem is that those people are mindless followers. They're just like lemens.

Be an individual.. Be yourself...How you feel, not how someone else wants you to feel, act, or look like. Be a trend-setter, not a follower. Just be comfortable with yourself.

You have fallen into a endless and painful battle of trying to please everyone...it can't be won.. Just please yourself, and everything else will fall in place. I imagine your parents or someone who loves you has told you before, the phrase..."As long as your happy, I'm happy for you." That is true. Most people do like to see other people happy.

So, live life to the fullest. Be happy with who your are, and be the best that you can.

Take care.

Comment by Demi on October 20, 2010 at 5:39am

Casey, you asked what you should do, Being yourself, of course.
And I suppose that there are no contradition between being a woman and a person who want to pursue education, to improve herself, to be viewed as an intelligent individual. Nowadays, woman can do the same things as man can do.

As we all known, different areas have different cultures, but in my point of view, there are must be something in common, that is appropriate. What we do should be match where we are. For example, when you go and have a class, you have a heavy makeup like a bird, even though it renders you gorgeous, but I think it is not appropriate. Or when you attending a formal banquet, you appear with a messy hair just like having a drowsy look, I think it is not appropriate also.

Comment by Cafers on October 13, 2010 at 3:21pm

I tried to post earlier, but it must have been lost in the ether...

Without writing it ALL out again, I'll briefly encapsulate it...

Notwithstanding the cultural and societal norms which provide the vital framework and signage for social discourse, and taking into consideration the fact that everything, absolutely everything, is a matter of perspective, then surely you give your power away by accepting and playing precedence to the idea that these things are true. To say that 'as a woman you feel like men in general look down on me...I feel...I feel' then you're creating this reality for yourself. YOU make this true.

As an example, if a person with bad burn marks all over their face walks into a room, and they feel as though everyone is thinking they look deformed, then that becomes real for them. If, however, they believe the extra attention is because they simply look different, and people are naturally curious, and they subsequently open up some cool and interesting conversations with these people, then they are less likely to focus on these things. Regardless of what the other people are actually thinking, their reality is a much nicer one to exist in.

I don't know if that was the best example, but I'm trying to get across this idea which I think resonates around the whole community here, in that self development is all about what YOU control within YOU. Choose to feel one way or another, create your reality.

Comment by z-man on October 9, 2010 at 3:13am

Odal, I used the word loved as in liked.
I did had one girlfriend that used make up but she was far more beautiful without make-up.

Comment by Odal on October 9, 2010 at 3:10am

Attractive/unattractive is relative.
I do not get attracted to females that are too feminine. The more make-up you wear, the less attractive you become for me since your are faking your natural beauty. And I don't like fakes.
My girlfriend has no make-up whatsoever, and that is what I love in her.
Well, yes it's relative. I was referring to how everyone (I think) has their own standards of what beauty is, which, admittedly, is often groomed by the mainstream. If I don't find someone physically attractive, it doesn't mean I would never date them or find out who they are. I'm mainly concerned with attractiveness that's below the surface. I think it's the "guy" side of me to have what I think as physical beauty in a woman and a I also have a side that says that doesn't really matter in the long run. I am just aware of what I find physically attractive.

Though I can't agree with the rest of your statement. I could never claim that I love a girlfriend because she doesn't wear make-up. That's just saying you love her for her looks in a different way.

Comment by z-man on October 9, 2010 at 2:12am

I completely agree with Brian.

Comment by Brian Wood on October 9, 2010 at 2:06am

@Casey: You hit the nail on the head. "how do i meet people with a similar mindset? I think it's easier said than done."
In most situations like these, people will give great general advise like "be yourself", "be confident", "seize the day". But these are just words to make us feel more confident. At the end of the day its more like, okay i just got home. I'm going out to a bar/ bookstore/ park whatever it may be. But how do you actually meet people. Again i will break this down to a more simplistic and intrinsic method. It involves taking what I would classify as a "leap of faith". I will preface this by saying in no way am I some kind of expert. This is just my opinion:
Sure, you can join clubs and groups online of like minded people, but it takes a great leap of faith to say, "we should hang out". It's also a bit dangerous and scary to do so online sometimes. So, say you pass by a person in real life say at a park/ bar/ supermarket/ the street, and they are reading a book you may like or just have something in the way they look or carry themselves that you like. To approach a total stranger and start talking to them again takes a "leap of faith". That is a leap of faith in yourself. But to really meet people with a similar mindset often means that you may have to meet many people before you meet someone you really connect with. It requires one basic principle. That is to be comfortable with yourself and don't ever be afraid to let yourself shine through. Let your personality shine, be yourself and don't judge yourself. Be happy with you and start taking some of these leaps. You may be surprised how often you can go up to total strangers, start talking to them, and realize that a) they don't mind and b) they are interesting people. If you like some of them, don't be afraid to ask for their number. Your confidence in yourself will be attractive to them, not in a sexual way, but I'm actually just speaking on a Human level. This all may sound trivial and not earth shattering advice, but to actually start doing these things is the biggest barrier often. The more people you actually randomly approach with confidence, be yourself and get to know.....the higher the likelihood based on pure probability it is that you will meet and connect with like minded people. If this wasn't applicable, i apologize for the long ramble. :)

Comment by z-man on October 9, 2010 at 1:43am

So not all people are going to regard unattractive people as lesser
Attractive/unattractive is relative.
I do not get attracted to females that are too feminine. The more make-up you wear, the less attractive you become for me since your are faking your natural beauty. And I don't like fakes.
My girlfriend has no make-up whatsoever, and that is what I love in her.

Comment by Casey on October 9, 2010 at 1:24am

@Brian Wood: You're probably completely right. "The company you keep" may play a bigger role then I realize, but even with that I continue to have a problem: How do I meet people with a similar mindset? I think it's easier said then done.

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