Who am I? I am not this world that I see. I am not driven by money, I am not lusting for power or anything they tell me to. I don’t think. I have always aspired to change the world I think most of us have, well maybe the best of us do. The ones that care. At the moment I am not ready and I always knew I wouldn’t be ready straight out of school or indeed before my character has been tested in some harsh fires. So now I aim to venture deep into fire to forge the character that I desire, I need and most importantly a character which is required to change the world. I have had one year and six months out of school I have worked in horrible jobs, in good ones. I have learnt hard work and to no longer fear, to not even accept it, but instead to embrace it to strive for hard work. Why? To forge me.
Initially I was obedient on the course to be another good guy, worked hard at school was ready to be a something and earn money and live and die. Then I rebelled, why work? I thought and so I did nothing and failed at school (compared to what was promised me anyway). Then I worked at a video store, doing nothing much I spent what money I had on a computer and I fell into WoW as so many of us on here have. I stayed there for a few months until I quit my job and that was all I did, WoW for a few weeks and then one day I pulled myself out, got a job selling phones, horrible job selling people stuff they don’t need. Stayed there for three months and learnt about the daily struggle, doing something you hate for something you aspire for but never getting any closer to it. Finally I chanced upon a job at an underground gold mine as basically a geologist labour there I learnt about hard work, the benefits and contentment of ‘honest work’.
Now I have quit that job and I am currently eleven days away from my one way ticket to London (I’ve lived in Australia all my life by the way) and train ticket to anywhere. I don’t know where I’m going I don’t know how I’m getting there I don’t even know how long I’m going for.
My plan for a long time has been to figure out how to change the world by seeing it, embracing it and hopefully learning not only fully who I am but also my purpose and how best to change this world. I have had the belief for a long time that to be able to make the world a perfect place I must first be perfect and so I go into the fires of anywhere and everywhere to do anything that is difficult and that fills me with fear and dread. For that will be how I become stronger, smarter, better and closer to perfect.
But really who can ever hope to write down who anybody no matter how simple or complex, words alone in any quantity and quality will always fall dramatically short of who the subject really is.

Views: 1

Comment by Peter Michael Larrimore on October 2, 2009 at 8:43am
I like how you are going to a new location, not knowing much about what you're gonna do. But you aim to embrace what comes at you. That's awesome. Also I love that you are attacking anything that is difficult or that fills you with fear and dread so that you can become stronger, smarter and better. I would love to do that but I'm so fearful. I feel like if I attack the things that are fearful in my life then I could not succeed and fuck up. THat to me is very scary not succeeding and messing up is something i definately need to overcome. Sometimes I use my spontaneous energy inside me to overcome fearful things so far it has worked for me in my life but it is sometimes reckless and can leave me energyless afterwards. Maybe someday I will find a better way to harness energy to overcome my fears..

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