Scientific Research & Self-Development Activism
Yeah, I never really did an introduction as I just tend to like jumping in and consider myself not very worth talking about. Sooo...hey, I'm going to make an entry...where I talk about myself! Aha! That's a classic. Anyway, I'm John. You can call me FIDo or FIDs or whatever. My screen name is fireicedeath and since then people have been trying to shorten it and FIDo has sort of stuck with me.
I'm the guy no one ever really talked to in school and that's sort of clung to me into my late-20's as well. Don't mistake that for not having any friends--I have a good deal of friends or people I consider friends. I'm just not going to be the first person to approach you. Or the second. Maybe....fiftieth. And that's after I've seen who you are. I am neurotically disjointed as a person; when I am comfortable with a situation I can be very in control, but if I feel I'm not and that there's no chance for me to succeed I tend to give-up very easily. I've been single my whole life and I suffer from crippling social anxiety.
I love to talk, though, hell I love people. I WANT to be social. I...just never could get up the courage to be anything but a recluse. When I was teenager I didn't mind it so much as everything seemed so pointless to do. "Hey, let's get drunk." Or, "Let's party." Now that I think about it I wish I had. I think it's safe to say that I've went my whole life thus far without anyone really knowing me and that includes some people I consider my best friends.
Now that I'm 28 and I'm very anxious about a lot of things I feel like my social life and any possible relationships have passed me by. I know that's not true, but it just feels like it is. I don't feel like much of this encapsulates who I am in any deep sense as there's a lot more I could say but I'll spare anyone a 9 page book that I could write. As for what I hope to change...'eh...I just want to be more active in my social life an more confident in myself in things that actually matter--relationships, friendships, taking chances with people. That sort of stuff.