Scientific Research & Self-Development Activism
As I travel back from another disappointing day in college this one quote from Fight Club keeps coming up in my head:
I felt like destroying something beautiful
Which is what Edward Norton says right after he kicks Jared Leto's ass and walks away.
But much like Edward Norton in that video, I actually feel like destroying things that don't have to necessarily be beautiful things...
Destroy a building, a system, a company; maybe even the accommodation where the political parties sit around and cash in and so-called "govern" the country. (hypothetically speaking)
As I walk away from the train station past some bicycles which were placed in such a way where you'd either have to walk around them or try to squeeze through hoping not to kick any over... instead I was quite tempted to kick the first one over and see whether or how long the domino-effect would last.
Like the pussy that I am, I did not do it, scared that I'd get caught.
The feeling got stronger when people had placed their bikes around mine, I did not kick any bikes over since it would probably result in damaging my own bike as well. While I somewhat aggressively get the bikes out of my way, I just get on my bike and go home.
Whilst on my bike I think about how misplaced I feel and how I do not fit in the current world or how I should just do something simple like joining the army instead of trying to get a degree and career somewhere else.
Again, I pussy out. Rather not feel the wrath of my parents when I would tell them I am going to drop out for the third time and tell them I am going to the army.
So I went on realizing I had tons of homework, but what use would that have when I am (hypothetically speaking) planning to burn the place. Downside is I would get kicked out and probably arrested and therefore again lose all hope for a better future.
I end up taking my car for the drive through the rain. Drive a road that has a deep ditch on the one hand and the sea on the other hand. While driving harder than I should I catch myself speeding even more when approaching a sharp turn, tempted to slip, turn, and perhaps flip over into the sea, hoping I would not feel any regret when this would actually happen.
I would later have to face myself as a pathetic human being for ending up at the McDonalds only minutes later. Every time it still seems like a good idea to quickly get a snack in, but once you are halfway you realize how disgusting it is and how even the McDonalds should be demolished for putting their products out into the world.
Every choice seems to have it's downsides and I am stuck not knowing what to destroy first.
disclaimer: i'm not actually planning to destroy/bomb/demolish anything.